Hi, I am Max Azevedo. Halloween has been one of my favorite holidays since I was a young boy. As I have grown older, I finally understand the pain-in-the-rear some of you trick or treating brats can be.
trick or treaters, this is your Reality Check:
- I understand the love of Halloween, but if you are old enough to have facial hair, you are not getting any candy.
- Costumes are something you should put some time and thought into; we love originality. If it looks like you put in no effort at all, do not be surprised if you get the nasty chalk candies.
- If my light is off, it means I have no more candy to give. It definitely does not mean you should ring my doorbell 300 times.
- Ladies, save the “sexy” costumes for venues that do not include 40 pre-teens with raging hormones and sugar highs. You may kill them when the blood rushes back to their heads.
- There is no excuse to show up at a house without a costume. You can turn a sheet into a ghost or a toga in about 3 minutes. Do not be lazy.
- You are not entitled to candy. I suggest being polite and maybe we will not turn the sprinklers on while you are walking away.
- Do not give us crap if we leave a bowl of candy outside for you. We can only take so much of your annoying cracking voices before we consider self-harm.
- Great, now we have to deal with every 30 year old virgin in town dressed as “Bane” saying, “It would be very painful… For you! “ if they don’t get candy.
- Thanks for toilet-papering my home. You just saved me money and a trip to the store.
- To the people that dress up their infant children and carry them around all night getting candy for themselves: this is why they grow up to hate you.
- What the hell is up with all these “sexy vampire” costumes? Try looking up Count Orlok from the movie Nasferatu. Now that is a vampire to model a costume from.
- I do not know whether to be sad or amused at the fact that most of these kids running around are scarier looking without the makeup and masks!
- Teenagers: 96% of the reason why some people contemplate putting razorblades in the candy.
- Do not always assume you rule the streets on Halloween night. There are always going to be some inattentive drivers out there that will turn you into a human piñata.